Thoughts at the end of a trip
29/08/16 02:47
My mother was born and grew up in Montana. She left her home town to pursue her nursing education and met my father while in school. They were married in California where my father was stationed during the Second World War. After his discharge, they lived in Oklahoma briefly as he completed some advanced aircraft training. Then they moved back to Montana. They lived in the same house in the same town until the end of my father’s life. She remained in the house for several years after he died. One year, after experiencing some health challenges, she sold some of her property in Montana and moved to Oregon, to a small home just around the corner from my sister’s home in Portland. She lived in Portland for several years before moving into our home in South Dakota. During all of those moves she considered herself to be a Montanan and referred to Montana as home.
When she was living with us in South Dakota our daughter made the decision to leave her home in South Dakota to join the man who is now her husband while he was stationed in England. I listened as my mother told my daughter how much she admired her. “I would never have had the courage to do what you are doing,” she told our daughter. “Mom,” I interjected, “That’s exactly what you did. You left your home following your heart and married your air force guy.” I’m not sure I convinced my mother, but both marriages have turned out to be the right decisions for the women. Since her two years in England, our daughter has lived in Missouri and is preparing to move to Japan for four years with her husband.
In today’s highly mobile world, people move at all different life stages. People move to attend schools, to advance their careers, to pursue dreams, and to be closer to family. Over the years i’ve had several discussions with retired people who have moved to be closer to their children. For some the move has been a good choice. For others, things haven’t worked out quite as expected. Moving to be “around the corner” from your adult children assumes that they will not themselves move to another location. I know quite a few stories of couples who moved to live near their children only to have their children move to another location leaving the parents behind.
There was a time when frequent moves from one place to another were common parts of the career of professional ministry. We have journal entries from some of our relatives who were Methodist clergy who used to go to Conference each June with their household packed up, knowing that they would be reassigned to a new parish, but not knowing where they would go until the meeting ended, when they’d head off for their new home. Moving every four years was the standard in some conferences for decades.
We feel that following our calling was one of the commitments of our career choice and we have been led in directions that we didn’t expect by the congregations that we have served. Among the unexpected twists and turns of our careers is that we have been more stable and less mobile than we expected. When we began our time in the ministry, we thought that there would be frequent moves, especially early in our careers. We didn’t rule out the possibility of serving in an overseas location for part of our lives. Our experience, however, is that 7 years was the shortest term of service. We have now completed 21 years as pastors in the same congregation in South Dakota and the house in which we live is the place of the longest residence of either of our lives.
Still, we think, and occasionally speak of making a move. It has been the practice among clergy, especially after long pastorates, to make a move at the point of retirement. There is some fear that the retired pastor might exert undue influence on the congregation when not serving it and that there could be inappropriate pressure brought to bear on the new pastor. Quite frankly, that hasn’t been a problem for us in our careers. In both our first and current pastorates, our predecessor retired in the community where we served and there have been absolutely no problems. Our predecessors have been people of high ethical standards who understood appropriate boundaries and respected them carefully.
Still, when the time for retirement comes, it would be prudent for us to consider the possibility of moving to another location. Even if we remain in the same community, the house we now inhabit is too big for a practical retirement. We simply don’t need the same amount of space that was once the case and we’ve collected a lot of possessions that need to be sorted and distributed to afford us a leaner and more responsible lifestyle going forward.
Visiting our children and grandchildren makes us think of how nice it would be to live closer to them. Of course with two children who will soon not be living on the same continent, choosing where to move would be a challenge. Still the conversation turned to speculation of what it might be like if we lived close to our son and his family as we began the process of saying our good byes last night. We’re facing three long days of driving to get back home now and I was commenting that most of the use of our camper has been going back and forth to our children’s homes. “Wouldn’t it be great if that house a couple of doors down from ours came up for sale when you were ready to retire?” our daughter-in-law commented. Of course we all know that a house being for sale doesn’t mean we could afford it or that it would be the right home for us. And none of us know where the careers of our children will lead them. Our son might take a job in a city across the country one day. They might choose to move their family at some point.
For now it all is in the range of speculation and exploring options. But one day, before too many years pass, we will need to make a choice on where to live during retirement. Perhaps, like my mother we will make a few moves during those years. Who knows? Like so many other conversations, this one has a lot of distance to cover before we get to the point of making a decision.
When she was living with us in South Dakota our daughter made the decision to leave her home in South Dakota to join the man who is now her husband while he was stationed in England. I listened as my mother told my daughter how much she admired her. “I would never have had the courage to do what you are doing,” she told our daughter. “Mom,” I interjected, “That’s exactly what you did. You left your home following your heart and married your air force guy.” I’m not sure I convinced my mother, but both marriages have turned out to be the right decisions for the women. Since her two years in England, our daughter has lived in Missouri and is preparing to move to Japan for four years with her husband.
In today’s highly mobile world, people move at all different life stages. People move to attend schools, to advance their careers, to pursue dreams, and to be closer to family. Over the years i’ve had several discussions with retired people who have moved to be closer to their children. For some the move has been a good choice. For others, things haven’t worked out quite as expected. Moving to be “around the corner” from your adult children assumes that they will not themselves move to another location. I know quite a few stories of couples who moved to live near their children only to have their children move to another location leaving the parents behind.
There was a time when frequent moves from one place to another were common parts of the career of professional ministry. We have journal entries from some of our relatives who were Methodist clergy who used to go to Conference each June with their household packed up, knowing that they would be reassigned to a new parish, but not knowing where they would go until the meeting ended, when they’d head off for their new home. Moving every four years was the standard in some conferences for decades.
We feel that following our calling was one of the commitments of our career choice and we have been led in directions that we didn’t expect by the congregations that we have served. Among the unexpected twists and turns of our careers is that we have been more stable and less mobile than we expected. When we began our time in the ministry, we thought that there would be frequent moves, especially early in our careers. We didn’t rule out the possibility of serving in an overseas location for part of our lives. Our experience, however, is that 7 years was the shortest term of service. We have now completed 21 years as pastors in the same congregation in South Dakota and the house in which we live is the place of the longest residence of either of our lives.
Still, we think, and occasionally speak of making a move. It has been the practice among clergy, especially after long pastorates, to make a move at the point of retirement. There is some fear that the retired pastor might exert undue influence on the congregation when not serving it and that there could be inappropriate pressure brought to bear on the new pastor. Quite frankly, that hasn’t been a problem for us in our careers. In both our first and current pastorates, our predecessor retired in the community where we served and there have been absolutely no problems. Our predecessors have been people of high ethical standards who understood appropriate boundaries and respected them carefully.
Still, when the time for retirement comes, it would be prudent for us to consider the possibility of moving to another location. Even if we remain in the same community, the house we now inhabit is too big for a practical retirement. We simply don’t need the same amount of space that was once the case and we’ve collected a lot of possessions that need to be sorted and distributed to afford us a leaner and more responsible lifestyle going forward.
Visiting our children and grandchildren makes us think of how nice it would be to live closer to them. Of course with two children who will soon not be living on the same continent, choosing where to move would be a challenge. Still the conversation turned to speculation of what it might be like if we lived close to our son and his family as we began the process of saying our good byes last night. We’re facing three long days of driving to get back home now and I was commenting that most of the use of our camper has been going back and forth to our children’s homes. “Wouldn’t it be great if that house a couple of doors down from ours came up for sale when you were ready to retire?” our daughter-in-law commented. Of course we all know that a house being for sale doesn’t mean we could afford it or that it would be the right home for us. And none of us know where the careers of our children will lead them. Our son might take a job in a city across the country one day. They might choose to move their family at some point.
For now it all is in the range of speculation and exploring options. But one day, before too many years pass, we will need to make a choice on where to live during retirement. Perhaps, like my mother we will make a few moves during those years. Who knows? Like so many other conversations, this one has a lot of distance to cover before we get to the point of making a decision.